Supporting someone having an abortion

Every year there are unintended pregnancies in Aotearoa New Zealand and for some of these people, the best decision for them and their future will be to end the pregnancy.

It is important to remember that legally, the final decision to continue or to end the pregnancy is made by the person who is pregnant.

Abortion providers recognise that many partners are involved in their partner's decision to end a pregnancy, and will try to involve them in the abortion consultation and treatment process, as much as possible.

If you and your partner are considering this option, there is a lot you can do to help:

• Let them talk about it if they want to, and make sure they get appropriate and supportive advice. A decision to have an abortion is not always an easy one.
• If or when they decide to have an abortion, encourage them to get advice as soon as possible. The sooner the abortion is performed, the less complicated the procedure.
• If your partner is in agreement you can have joint counselling through the abortion provider. This is generally free. There is no provision for free counselling for partners or whānau without the pregnant person.
• After the abortion, they may feel like talking about it. Or, they may not. It is up to you to be as supportive and caring as possible, so that the two of you can get on with your lives and consider the future, including safe contraceptive options.

Abortion can be difficult and emotional for whānau or parents, and their children. Providers
recommend that if possible, the young person be accompanied to appointments by a trusted adult. This could be a parent, whānau member or it could be a partner or close friend.

Again, it is the pregnant person who should make the final decision whether or not to have
an abortion. Providers will always see or talk to the client on their own during the consultation
process to make sure they are happy with their choice and to ensure they are able to consent to (agree to) the process.

Three things to know:

1. Studies tell us that most young people do tell a parent or trusted adult that they are pregnant and have decided to end the pregnancy.
2. Providers support many young people through the process and have strong processes in place to keep them safe.
3. It is extremely rare that having an abortion will affect a young person’s chances of becoming pregnant in the future if they choose.

Congratulations on being a friend that someone can trust to support them. Your friend may want to talk about their decision making process or they may be firm in their decision and need you to provide some practical support.

This support could be:

1. Looking after their children while they have their appointment.
2. Helping them get to or from the clinic, if they need to leave home.
3. Other practical support such as helping financially or offering support if their home
   situation is unsafe.